Been having long talks with Shawn and my little brother... I love long night talks that always makes me reflect and think.

I often like to think of a year as a pie graph. Like the happy bits are one colour and takes up a certain percentage of the pie, and the unhappy bits together with all the random emotion takes up the remaining parts of he pie. As I grow older, somehow the year would consist of increasingly more portions of unhappy bits than happy bits. It also dawned on me that i was having the more portions of happiness/satisfaction during my busier years than my lax years.

My definition of busy is doing/achieving in many different tasks rather than just preparing for one major exam.

Am jobless recently. I could probably get a Job at the retail sector but it isn't what I want. I want to see the world, learn about the world and travel around the world. Even have crazy thoughts of travelling around the world on my own and make new friends along the way but I guess my parents probably wouldn't allow me to. So many things I am dreaming about.

Yet, i am not doing anything to help myself. I guess that's what makes me unhappy nowadays. Excuses. And this irks me. I need to get a job and yet I'm too picky, i need to send some emails and yet I keep postponing/procrastinating, Using my china trip as an excuse.

Whatever happened to my new year resolutions?

There is an urgent need to stop all the excuses and start being more proactive. It will definitely result in less of these unhappiness. Just really pray that the lady calls me on Monday or even tmr! It would certainly be a mood lifter. I need an office job!

I want the emptiness in my life to go away and life to be enriching. To achieve it, I need actions.

Come on Xinan, lead your life.

P.S I asked lis to be my bedtime keeper and I feel so bad that I'm wasting all her efforts. Am gna try real hard to achieve a better sleeping cycle

♥ 4:17 AM