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velvet revolution.
Hi.

I'm Xinan, I love my family and friends. Also, I'm gonna be happy and bouncy everyday!

my days, not yours.

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February 2012

thank you.

Layout: Kary-yan/Missyan.
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Monday, February 27, 2012

Miss you fatty!
I always act really spoilt in front of you and everything and sometimes I am blind and i fail to appreciate whatever you have helped me in.

From making sure I'm always happy, to making sure I don't fall down by reminding me of little steps ahead, to always remembering I don't like garnishes on my tymhk, to talking to me and making sure I would get over my PW results, to smsing some of my friends not to ask me about my PW results because I might not be able to handle it, to building a dollhouse for me just because you knew I like it, to being honest to me, to helping me in my studies and guiding me to study hard, to baking cookies for me, to googling how to draw a rose just for my vday card, to writing a book full of inspirational stuffs just for my birthday, to cooking pasta for me just to satisfy my craving, to dealing with my insecurities and whatever other people may say.

There are so many things that you have done for me. I often/expect too much of you and sometimes even throw tantrums when things do not go my way. I'm sorry :(

I love you and I hope we will remain happy like we are now! I know today might not be an anniversary date, but happy 2 years and 4 months plus plus anyway.

No matter what happens, I know you will always be there for me and I'm truly glad that I have met you because you have made me a better person! Guess that's the best kind of relationship one can ever have!

Hope you are surviving well in tekong!


1:05 AM



From someone's blog I have been reading:

Winter always gives way to spring.
The seasons of the soul, however, tell an admittedly different tale.
The gusts of heartbreak inevitably come, the deaths and disappointments
and disparities and devastation, and before we’ve even caught our breath
we’re standing naked and leafless in the dead of winter.
Without him, without it, without that, without her, we don’t think
we’ll ever make it out of the cold. Some people never do.
Slowly, ever so slowly, if we begin to painfully examine ourselves,
our leafless, job-less, boyfriend-less, parent-less selves, we recognize that
beauty remains. Like the barren tree silhouetted on the mountainside,
we become heralds of simplicity.
Friends still sit with us. Children still hug our knees.
Songs still speak the words we’re pressed to find.
Until we learn to embrace our bare, exposed branches and recognize our worth
apart from titles and talents, the buds of spring cannot surface, heralding new life.
When we learn to love ourselves, winter never wins.


Todd Clayton @ thoughtcatalog
Exactly What Heartbreak Feels Like
Excerpt


12:47 AM


Friday, February 24, 2012

This week was really busy but fulfilling.
I like the way my life is now!

Mon taught me to give my best to others and expect the least from others. I really need to do my utmost best for birthday celebrations and design it the way they like it so as to give my friends the best present, which is happiness.

Tues taught me to always constantly learn something new from people. There is always a little something to lean from everyone. (: On that day, Amanda asked me to acc her to meet her Aussie friends after our dance classes. They were really really nice. Love friendly people!

Wed showed me how much I love home cooked food and should always leave time for my family!!!! <3

Thurs showed me how true friend wouldn't mind each other's horrible singing!

Today is Friday, I'm going to the NATAS fair now, and I guess it teaches me to break out of my comfort zone and enjoy while I can!

Tmr shall be acc Amanda to a fair and meeting fatty!!!!

I am so tired this week that I couldn't even open my eyes after I took out my contacts.... I miss homecooked food terribly!

And I must stop cabbing.
Wish my life could continue like this and results day would never come.


6:53 PM



I rmb discussing religious issues with baby's parents before and his dad told me that most religions are actually the same but he believes more in Taoism/Buddhism. The reason is because that in these religions, anyone can become a Buddha or a God if they go through the same stuffs or have the same qualities. (though its probably be really (multiplies the word to infinity) hard to become one) There are one thousand kind of different ways to become one. However, in other religions, there can only one god.

I guess it sounds more fair in a way, like you work hard to become what you want to be. And it fills me with hope.

I guess parents would all love their child to have the same religion as them. Its like having the same shared beliefs and everything. I know it's a freedom of choice but sometimes I feel that people put less effort into understanding why their parents chose a particular religion and get converted after being influenced by other people around them.

To me, my religion would have to be close to my values, and something to spur me on to become a better person.

Anyway I should be sleeping soon!
I do not know why I am even blogging about religion after a night of high Kbox.

I must be mad. Anyway the above are my own personal opinions, so don't be offended or anything. We are all biased towards our religion in one way or another.


12:40 AM


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Was about to sleep and I suddenly rmb that the release of A level results are in one week's time and now I can't sleep. I normally sleep within seconds after A levels and today after this thought has emerged, it has kept me awake for a long while. My brain constantly replays every single stupid mistake that I made out of anxiety and perhaps, a lack of preparation.

I'm honestly damn scared and please don't ask me for my results that day, I'm very very sure that im going to break down because I know for sure I did super super badly this time round.

I hope I will be able to take the piece of envelope, leave Vj compounds and only open the envelope when I'm alone and at a peaceful place so I will be able to face the music.

For those people who always assume that I will do very well because of my past or anything like that, please stop your assumption and expectation of me. I really don't deserve any of it. I made countless stupid mistakes that I'm even quite ashamed to say that I am from Vj.

Have been living rather happily this few months before today the nightmare came back.... I honestly wish I could stay in this period of denial forever. I know it's not going to help me grow, but the disappointment from everyone is going to be so hurtful.

I really wish results day will never come because deep in my heart, I know I have never screw up so badly in an exam before and out of two years, this exam is my worst one.

So please, spare me. I know I'm going to do badly, but I guess I haven't fully prepared myself psychologically yet.

I just hope everything will be fine...


12:42 AM


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

There are things you would do for a person, and subconsciously, as selfish humans, you expect the same returns too.

When the balance is achieved, or when the balance is tipped in your favor, it's then when you feel happiness.

When your expectation fails, you tend to feel hurt and disappointed. It is perfectly normal and humane. I think there are many solutions to solve this problem. One, to stop giving so much which in turn causes lower expectations. Or perhaps to wait for the other party to realise how much you have done for them.

Maybe the way they are conveying their love might be different from what you expect, their little actions might be everything to them but it may seem tiny to you. Or maybe sometimes humans get so used to other people's demonstration of love that they fail to see those sincerity behind the other little things.

I have always thought that if there is a will, one would try their utmost to make you happy and to care for you, I guess this idea still holds for me. Maybe these thoughts might be restricting me from feeling happy or expecting too much from people. Luckily, this idea is not entrenched that deeply in my mind anymore. I guess the thought behind the gift should be the most impt, and perhaps not the gift itself. I used to be so blind.

Human relationships are mysterious and I guess that's the beauty of it.






12:56 AM


Monday, February 20, 2012

Good morning everybody!
It's Monday again and I'm having Monday blues :(

I can't rlly recall what I did over the past two weeks....
Only rmbered the visiting timbre with Leling, Louis, Percy and Junhua last Monday, where I ordered an extremely unpleasant drink. Never gna order that drink again. I also rmb having dance where my learning speed was like zzzz and helping Amanda to shop for gifts on Thursday.

Sat was spent meeting the fatty and playing with his adorable nephews! His mum is so nice and she keeps offering food to me. I wonder how his family stays slim and skinny when there are so much snacks around. Hmmmm.....

K now that I look back my past week was good (:

Okay off to work and this week is gna be fun and happy! I hope hehe.

Sorry random post lol


8:49 AM